"In fact a mature person does not fall in love, he rises in love. The word ’fall’ is not right. Only immature people fall; they stumble and fall down in love. Somehow they were managing and standing. They cannot manage and they cannot stand – they find a woman and they are gone, they find a man and they are gone. They were always ready to fall on the ground and to creep. They don’t have the backbone, the spine; they don’t have that integrity to stand alone.
A mature person has the integrity to be alone. And when a mature person gives love, he gives without any strings attached to it: he simply gives. And when a mature person gives love, he feels grateful that you have accepted his love, not vice versa. He does not expect you to be thankful for it – no, not at all, he does not even need your thanks. He thanks you for accepting his love. And when two mature persons are in love, one of the greatest paradoxes of life happens, one of the most beautiful phenomena: they are together and yet tremendously alone; they are together so much so that they are almost one. But their oneness does not destroy their individuality, in fact, it enhances it: they become more individual.
Two mature persons in love help each other to become more free. There is no politics involved, no diplomacy, no effort to dominate. How can you dominate the person you love? Just think over it. Domination is a sort of hatred, anger, enmity. How can you think of dominating a person you love? You would love to see the person totally free, independent; you will give him more individuality. That’s why I call it the greatest paradox: they are together so much so that they are almost one, but still in that oneness they are individuals. Their individualities are not effaced – they have become more enhanced. The other has enriched them as far as their freedom is concerned.
Immature people falling in love destroy each other’s freedom, create a bondage, make a prison. Mature persons in love help each other to be free; they help each other to destroy all sorts of bondages. And when love flows with freedom there is beauty. When love flows with dependence there is ugliness."
I want to shout this from the rooftops. SUCH truth:
A photo from my wedding by Evan Hunt. // How many cameras do you see?
The age of Facebook, Twitter and Instagram has made intimate, mile-stone moments in our lives incredibly public and available. In fact, I remember being able to see photos of my own wedding the morning after it happened --- because several of my wedding guests had posted photos they had taken on Facebook. I didn't mind that images from my wedding had gone so suddenly public, but there are many couples these days who do mind --- and they're doing something about it.
The last few years have seen a rise in what is known as the "unplugged" wedding --- a wedding where the couple requests that their guests turn off their cell phones and cameras for the duration of the ceremony. The reasons for this vary, but often include one or more of the following lines of thought:
I, personally, love the idea behind the unplugged wedding --- a couple invites people to attend their wedding primarily as witnesses --- not as photographers. I personally think it's a shame when I see a wedding guest taking photos and video throughout a wedding ceremony, as that person is focusing more on getting footage of the event rather than experiencing the event, itself.
However, I do think that some couples have taken the idea of the "unplugged" wedding too far, and, as a result, have crossed some important etiquette boundaries. Here are my tips for hosting an etiquette-friendly unplugged wedding:
Are you considering having an "unplugged" wedding? Did you have an "unplugged" wedding? Share your thoughts in the comments!
This is Rhino, also known as "Rhinoceros/Rhinocer-butt/Pooper" and that other guy who sleeps in my bed. Rhino is my dog, my buddy, my cuddle-partner and regular source of entertainment. If you've known me longer than five minutes, you probably know that I love him. A lot.
Now, I'm not exactly one of those people who considers my dog to be my child (we did, however, have professional photos taken of him after we got him two years ago --- shout-out to Adelaide Pet Photo for the photos in this post). I know that having children is far more profound/challenging/heart-exploding than having a dog, but still, I love him, and he's taught me a lot of important things about love and marriage.
Greetings are important. No matter how long I've been gone/how long I've left him alone, Rhino is always butt-wiggly excited to see me when I walk in the door to our apartment. He makes coming home sweet --- especially after busy, stressful days. I wish I could channel Rhino's enthusiasm for me into the way I greet my husband when he comes home from work. I imagine our apartment would be a warmer, sweeter place if I made it my consistent business to welcome my husband home with enthusiasm, regardless of the day we've had.
Remember to ask. There are several tricks that Rhino does really well. "Sit," "touch" and "shake" are his go-to tricks. However, "lay down" and "roll over" are not his strengths, and I think I know why --- it's because we don't ask him to do those things very often. Every now and again when I revisit "roll over" with him, I'll get frustrated that it takes him several --- or many --- attempts to get it right. But I shouldn't get frustrated with him for getting out of practice with a trick I haven't consistently asked him to do. And, I can't expect Rhino to know what I want him to do if I don't tell him to do it. It's the same in marriage --- how can I expect my husband to know what I want or need if I don't communicate those things to him on a regular basis? Sadly, neither dogs or humans are mind-readers. If we want or need something from them, we have to ask.
Trust is key --- and it is earned. I remember the first few weeks that we had Rhino after we adopted him. He was a little unsure of us and a little timid. He would pee in the house frequently, and not because he wasn't house-broken, but because he didn't know if he could count on us to take him outside on a regular basis. It took him time to adjust to our touches and cuddles. But, as he got to know us, he got know that we would take him outside regularly and that when we pulled him across the bed in the morning, it was just so we could cuddle him extra close before we got up for the day. In short, he trusts us and can relax around us, and that has paved the way for the super-snuggly relationship that we have. Sometimes I find myself being more consistently gentle and tender with Rhino than I am with my husband --- sometimes I won't be the best listener or I won't say the kindest thing. But, more than anything, I want to have a husband who trusts me and can relax around me. I want him to know that I will always listen and that I will always try to be gentle and meet his needs as best I can. That is a trust that is earned over years of small acts of gentleness and kindness. I'm fairly certain that I will never perfect this kind of trustworthiness, but I'm working on it.
Go all-in. One of the best things about Rhino is that he is a "yes" dog. I don't mean that he's super obedient (we're working on that one....kind of...), but rather that whenever I approach him to snuggle or play, he says "yes." He's all-in and seemingly up for whatever it is that I want to do. I like to think that this is because he likes to spend time with me. My husband and I have many things in common, but sometimes our leisure-time preferences can be polar-opposites of one another. Sadly, when it comes to spending time together, my husband is more of a "yes" spouse than I am. He watched all 10 seasons of "Friends" with me because it's a show I loved, has gone to restaurants that wouldn't be his choice because I wanted to try it, and even brought home Rhino before he thought we should have a dog because I so desperately wanted one (some day I'll share the story of how Rhino came into our family). I, on the other hand, could be better at going all-in with things my husband loves to do (like listening to country music, going on long walks and seeing movies where people/things are blowing up). So, I hope that in the years to come I become more of a "yes" wife, because I imagine a marriage of two all-in "yes" spouses would be an awesome thing.
So, there you have it --- love lessons from my Rhinoceros. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a puppy snuggle-nap to get to.
Hi, friends! I hope you had a splendid weekend. I did --- I visited my parents in Grand Rapids, Michigan for three days of pure non-itineraried bliss. Bonus: the hours of driving each way afforded me the chance to listen to Mindy Kaling's (writer/producer/star of The Office and The Mindy Project) new book, Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me? (And Other Concerns) in audio book form. When I got home I immediately purchased it again in e-book form, simply so I would have access to the text for quoting purposes. Needless to say, I'd recommend this book.
When I came to the chapter entitled, "Married People Need to Step It Up," I was intrigued/wondering what a single Hollywood comedy writer might have to say about the institution of marriage. Based on the title of the chapter, I assumed that what followed was not going to be pretty --- but I was wrong. I could wax poetic about what I loved about this particular bit of the book, but I'll let you read it for yourself.
Pretty much the only thing I remember from my Shakespeare course in college is that one can identify a comedy, as opposed to a tragedy, because it ends in a wedding...That's also how, I've noticed, most romantic comedies end. But I think the actual reason Shakespeare ended them there is because he thought the journey leading up to marriage was more fun to watch than the one that begins after the vows were said...
Amen, Mindy. Here is to being married to your best pal, love stories that get more exciting after "I Do," and weddings that celebrate what is to come.
I'm Corinne. I like to plan weddings. I enjoy sweet and cheeky love stories, sexy flowers, lime-based cocktails & soft candles. This blog is a collection of those & other things.
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